Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
