If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The Olympian is in my bed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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