Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
