Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
