i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Two words: nipple clamps
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