you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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