I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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