just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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