He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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