New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
