Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
