I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
