oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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