if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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