i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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