i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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