Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
