Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
