so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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