im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
