i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's like iHOP with fire
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
