Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
