his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
