Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize