I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
