i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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