my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize