I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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