Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
