Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
