dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
