lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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