was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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