the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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