i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i love accidental penises.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
