haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
