Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
