I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
