Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
