All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
