you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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