This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
