We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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