I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I could fuck to npr.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
