Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
