A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My life is pants optional.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
