You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
