Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
