K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
