it hurts more in the daytime
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
