MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
