just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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