OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
