i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
