My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
