"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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