Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
