Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
