Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
