White coat. Heels.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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