I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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