Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
