Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im part way to drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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