If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
