im about as happy as oj after his trial
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
