We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
