I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
