the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
