I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
