I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
