Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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