i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
