so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
