dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
