1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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