I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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