yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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